I Wish I Was a Travel Blogger, but My Anxiety Won’t Let Me…

I have talked about anxiety a few times on this blog. I’ve mostly mentioned it briefly and didn’t dwell on it for too long. I am someone that had to deal with my anxiety alone for such a long time that I find it very hard to talk about. I don’t know how to explain it or let people help me. I just don’t know how. I suffer alone and then I tell people after the fact that I was not feeling too good.

This has to change now. Since 2018 has started I started to notice something that was bothering me. My anxiety was holding me back from being the person I really want to be. It was also messing with my relationships. I was holding myself back and I was letting anxiety take over. It was in control, not me. I want that to change. I want it to change so badly.

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I want to travel. Since starting my program and doing art history I have never wanted to travel as much as I do now. I want to see Greece and France. I also started watching more travel bloggers and YouTubers talk about their trips. I was just in awe. I want to that. I want to be able to travel the world as my job. The only thing holding me back is my anxiety.

Last Friday I was supposed to take the train by myself to go to the museum. Now I haven’t taken the train often and I especially had never taken it by myself. This trip scared me. I panicked the night before and I never ended up going. I was held back. A few days prior to the trip I was thinking of all the blog content I could get out of this trip. I was thinking of all the cool photos I could take. I was planning this amazing blog post in my head. It all came crashing down when I couldn’t get myself to go.

How am I supposed to be a travel blogger if I can’t even go into the city by myself? How am I going to do all the things I want to do if I can’t even leave my house? These thoughts weighed me down so heavily that Friday. I was feeling just so down and bad about myself. I don’t want to feel this way any longer.

I want to be the girl who is confident and doesn’t be afraid of doing things by themselves. So that’s why I decided to talk to you guys about it. I wanted to share my little story so that I can see that there are other people out there that feel the same way that I do. I can’t be the only person on this planet that’s life is controlled a lot by anxiety. Or maybe I am?

My game plan to work on my anxiety you may be asking? I’m not a hundred percent sure yet. I know the first thing I did was create a private board on Pinterest where I pinned everything I want to do. I decided that If I could see all my goals then I would be able to achieve them or at least motivate myself to achieve them.

The second thing I did was buy a notebook. Besides the fact that I have an incurable obsession with stationery I thought it would be good to write my anxieties down. When I was in the store and I was just looking through the stationary like your usual stationary-aholic would do, I came across this one. The quote on the front jumped out at me. I knew that this journal was meant for me to write about my anxiety in.

I will be documenting my anxieties and also write my goals. It will be a journal where I can keep track of everything I have overcome. I want it to be positive where I glorify my victories and accept my failures and learn from them.

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You can get a similar notebook here: http://shopstyle.it/l/zYOB

The last thing I will be doing is spending more time focusing on working on my anxiety. I’ve for years now not made my own struggles a priority. I did do things every now and again like going to therapists and meditating. I was doing it so irregularly that I don’t think it really was able to change anything. That’s why I really want to spend more time regularly working on my anxiety. I will not let it control my life anymore. I can’t.

Do any of you guys understand how I’m feeling? Is anyone else being held back from their goals because of their mental disorders? I want to talk more about my mental state on this blog more often. I want to create a place where we can support each other and help each other get through our anxieties.

One day I will be a travel blogger. For today I need to gain the strength in myself to be that person. I know it will take time, good things always do. I am willing to fight for this because I can see clearly what I want out of life. I will be free from my anxiety and I will be living the life I have thought up in my head someday.

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6 thoughts on “I Wish I Was a Travel Blogger, but My Anxiety Won’t Let Me…

  1. I suffer with anxiety too, especially social anxiety so sometimes even leaving the house for me is hard. I have found the best way is to take baby steps – start by doing something that scares you a little bit and working your way up. Taking the train on your own is seemingly quite a big step so maybe scale it back a bit, for example getting the bus for 5 minutes and work your way up. Hope that helps. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. YES! Thank you so much for posting this! I understand how you feel, although my anxiety is a recent development. Before I started dealing with anxiety, I was super independent, traveled all the time, and talked with everyone. Anxiety destroyed that like a prairie fire, and now I deal with so much second guessing and paralyzing fear that I never had before. I took medication, went to therapists, and generally try to take care of myself now, but honestly sometimes just talking to people and having them tell me that I’m doing better has been the best medicine.

    So, for the record: YOU’RE DOING BETTER! Even recognizing that you want to live differently and that you want to manage your anxiety is AWESOME! And thanks again for sharing, and making your readers realize they’re not alone 🙂

    Like

    1. No, thank you! I was so scared to post this and be told I was crazy or silly. I am so happy to see other people who understand. I am trying and I hope everyone who reads this has to courage to try and change too. Anxiety can not take over our lives! ❤️

      Like

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